I never thought I would go so long without writing here. It has been a busy and trying time. I am happy to report that I no longer have a hole in my belly. All healed and cleared to go to the pool. Now I’m in physical therapy for a shoulder that’s been bothering me off and on for months. When it got hard to fasten my bra I went to the doctor. Nothing serious if I take care of it now. Overworked muscles from injured rotator cuff. And I am good. Just finished my exercises and am icing it as I write.
I have been getting used to my ailing parents–accepting it, more likely. I spent an hour or so with Mom on Saturday and she was quite lucid. We had a conversation. She still doesn’t remember much but I’m pretty sure she knows who I am. And I had dinner with Dad tonight. I’m getting less pained by seeing his hobble. But I still wish the gods would take them home. No one should live like this. They are poor and there are all kinds of hoops we have to jump through to get her nursing home bill covered. Oh yeah, Mom had to move to another nursing home because they didn’t have a medicaid bed available for her. She seems to be doing better here anyway. Though the decor is pretty shabby, they seem to have a lot of staff and they seem to be quite attentive.
Well, that’s the baby boomer part. Old parents. Physical ailments. In trouble if you haven’t already prepared for retirement. If I have to retire I’ll be eatin’ dog food. At least I’ll have a house and an antique enamel kitchen table to eat it at.
What about Jason Behr? Haven’t thought about him in a while and my search engine keeps sending me to weird, unrelated, unrequested sites so I haven’t been doing as much surfing. Not to mention, I am so dragged out from driving dad, driving 40 minutes each way for work and I work with kids steadily except for a 30 minute lunch from 8:10am to 2:20 or 2:50 pm depending on the day and then planning till 3:15 which often turns to 3:30 or later. Plus physical therapy and I have to watch my netflix movies asap to get my money’s worth. So Jason has taken a back seat. I plan to buy a couple of his movies as soon as I get a little bit caught up on my debt. So what am I saying here? Is this the least bit interesting to anyone? I somehow doubt it. I’m just trying to justify my life being such a cluttered mess and so haphazard. I am gaining weight too and it scares the shit out of me. I need to figure this out or just kill myself. That’s always my solution to problems. Kill myself. Haven’t done it yet. I am gonna lose weight if it KILLS me! So there. At least with the physical therapy I am getting into an exercise routine. And I always do a little aquarobics when I go to the pool.
I miss my friends, I miss New York. I wanna go home. I wish I could work there. Lost my certification now. Can I write a book? I can sure put a lot of words down but do I have any focus? Anything of interest to say to anyone? A blog is, by definition, all about me, me, me. Who wants to read that besides me and one or two other people who know me.
Transformation. I can feel myself transforming. Or is it just the new drugs my psychiatrist prescribed for me? I am feeling more positive, slightly more active and motivated. Still haven’t accomplished much, though. My transformation needs to include: weight loss, improved cardiovascular fitness, risk taking/fearlessness, less drugs and physical problems, more energy (for gardening, making stuff, going places, etc), a home I love to come home to (uncluttered and containing only things I LOVE), seeing and/or communicating more frequently with my friends and satisfying, time and courage for making art, flexible work that makes big bucks (haha, the last one seems impossible.)
Well, ththththat’s all for now folks!
Nirvana, Aliens and Me 